Last year, on this very day, I got baptized. Afterward, I wrote a text that expressed how I felt before and after the baptism, and I also reflected on the teachings I had received during that time.
As I was reading it today, it resonated in my heart more than ever. It’s amazing how God continues to reveal deeper meaning with time. I felt led to share it with you, just as I wrote it back then.
“Today was my baptism day, a day I had eagerly anticipated all week. But when I woke up, something felt off. I wasn’t as excited as I thought I would be. In the days leading up to this, I had prayed, asking God to guide me. I asked Him for a sign, if there was a better church or moment for this step. Since I didn’t receive a clear “no” from Him, I decided to move forward in faith, trusting His timing.
At church, we received instructions for the baptism, and then the sermon began. I thought the message might reignite the excitement I had felt earlier in the week, but I found myself struggling to connect. The pastor’s teaching centered on Acts 1:12-20, focusing on Judas Iscariot. He described Judas as a villain in the story of Jesus, but with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we can see that Judas was also a vessel. His actions, though wrong, were part of God’s plan to fulfill the scriptures. The betrayal, the crucifixion, and ultimately the resurrection were all written long before they happened. As the pastor spoke, the message began to resonate more deeply. “Watch the sermon here“
Still, I wasn’t overwhelmed with emotion, as I had hoped to be. I wondered if it was the weight of the day, April 7th, the commemoration of the Genocide against the Tutsi in Rwanda. Perhaps that was why my heart felt heavy. Nonetheless, I went through with the baptism. Nervous and somewhat unsure, the moment felt like it passed in a blur. I wasn’t even sure I heard everything the pastor said, but it was done. Afterward, I changed and celebrated with friends over a meal.
Later, when I got home, I sent an audio message to a friend, recounting the day. As I spoke, I began to see connections between the sermon, the commemoration, and the significance of my baptism. The Holy Spirit was slowly revealing layers of meaning.
The pastor’s teaching had emphasized that the Holy Spirit is our “page-turner.” He helps us move forward in the story of our lives, even when we’re stuck on painful chapters. Reflecting on this, I was reminded of a sermon by Stephanie Ike that I had listened to, the day before. In it, she shared how her father’s death, a tragedy that resulted from betrayal and injustice, ultimately led her to her purpose in Christ. God had shown her that her father’s passing, while painful, was part of the journey that brought her to where she was meant to be.
This made me think of my own story, particularly the events during the genocide. I remembered sitting in a room with my family, waiting for the militias to decide our fate. They killed my mother, two uncles, and our maid, but for some reason, they spared my sister, my cousin and I. One of them said, “Leave them; they will die of sadness and hunger.” It was rare for anyone to be spared, and yet we were left unharmed, though deeply traumatized.
For a long time, I hadn’t thought much about why we survived. When I began my walk with Christ, I attributed it to my mother’s prayers. But now, God was revealing something deeper. Just as Judas’s actions were a necessary part of God’s plan, the sacrifices of our loved ones, were part of what was written too. It’s not an easy truth to accept, but when we allow the Holy Spirit to guide us, we can begin to see the bigger picture.
I realized that I had been stuck in the middle of my story, unable to move forward fully. By suppressing my emotions and detaching myself from the pain of losing my family, I had kept myself trapped in the past. Through baptism, God was calling me to turn the page, to accept what had happened, not as something to minimize, but as something to embrace and learn from.
This day, April 7th, wasn’t a coincidence. It was a divine appointment. On the same day that I remembered the sacrifices of my family, I was reborn and took a step of faith to affirm my walk with Christ. Just as the Holy Spirit turns the pages of our lives, I was being invited to turn the page from mourning to purpose.
The pastor had said, “In chaos, beautiful things are born.” And I believe that. Through the pain and the sacrifice, God is writing a story that brings glory to Him and purpose to our lives. My baptism wasn’t just a declaration of faith; it was a step toward embracing my story and fulfilling what God has written for me.
In His timing, the Holy Spirit reveals these truths. He doesn’t leave us stuck in the pain but guides us forward, one page at a time, toward His promises.”
Fille d’Epiphaniya
My Epiphany 
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